Author: contact@jokesaz.com

Brian, after 35 years delivering mail to a village, was the postman’s last day.After the first house, the family greeted him and wished him well, and gave him a gift envelope.The second house, he got a similar response with a nice bottle of fine Irish whiskey.At the third house, he was met at the door by a beautiful blonde woman in an open robe, leaving little to the imagination.She took him upstairs to the bedroom and gave him the most passionate love-making he’d ever experienced.After that, she gave him the best breakfast he’d ever had. Then she gave him a…

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, this woman came out again, walked to the mailbox, opened it, and then shut it closed real hard.puzzled by her actions, the man asked her,Is there something wrong?To which she replied,My stupid computer keeps saying “You Got Mail”

Yo mama so ugly your dad wakes up with Morning Wouldn’t

A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. LNumber One Samurai, “Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and “swish”; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! “What a feat!” said the Emperor. “Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do.” The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and “swish, swish”;…

A country rube is about to get married and he asks his Pa,“Pa, how can I tell if I’m the first feller Norma Sue has ever been with on our wedding night?” “Well that’s easy son. Just do what I did on my own wedding night. All ya need is some red paint, some blue paint, and a shovel.” “What the heck do I need those things fer?” “Well son, you take the red paint and you color one of yer testicles red, then you take the blue paint and ya color the other one blue.” “Really! And then what…

When married there are 3 types of sex: at first it’s “all room” sex. Then after kids, it’s “bedroom” sex. The final stage is “hallway” sex. That’s where you pass each other in the hall and say “f*ck you.”

After many years of marriage, I think my wife still finds me sexy. Every time I go past her in the house she says, “What an ass.”

A young man who has never had a job finally gets one as a doorman at a nice hotel. On his first day, he arrives in uniform all nervous and serious. He opens the door, greets guests and visitors with a smile, closes the door behind them. He does everything admirably. In the afternoon, something weird happens. A single bathroom basin – standing on a short support column, with a hot water tap and a cold water tap and no apparent source of plumbing, appears outside the door. Nervous, the new doorman approaches his manager. “What shall I do”, he…

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the highway, so I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, got out, opened the trunk, took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They’re dressed in open trench coats that expose their nudity to oncoming drivers. They look so lifelike you wouldn’t believe it. Traffic started slowing down to look at my lifelike men and of course traffic began backing up. Everyone beeped their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulled up…

A woman is in labor, and the doctor comes in and says, “we have this cool new device that lets the father participate by feeling the pain of childbirth! What do you think?” The wife is all for it, so the husband says, “sure- I’ll try it.” He puts it on, turns it to 20% power, and waits. Nothing. “Cool,” he says. “Turn it to 50% and let’s see what I’ve got.” They turn it up to 50%, and after a minute, he’s still pretty comfortable. “I don’t know what the big deal is- this is a walk in the…